


Gravitate Back

by MiniOranges



Category: Black Panther (2018)
Genre: Disturbing Themes, Healing, Hope, Love, M/M, Miscarriage, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:14:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28736307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiniOranges/pseuds/MiniOranges
Summary: T'Challa and N'Jadaka grapple with a loss that changed their trajectories in life.
Relationships: Erik Killmonger/T'Challa
Comments: 11
Kudos: 17





	Gravitate Back

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for potentially disturbing themes. T'Challa and N'Jadaka suffer the events of a post-miscarriage. Nothing explicit is mentioned.

N’Jadaka was acting quite a bit strangely today, T’Challa thought.

It must’ve been the weather, crisp and rigid; the coolness of its breeze all-embracing even as their trench coats vowed to bundle them up.

But then again, wasn’t T’Challa the one not used to such climate? It was weird and unnerving.

Side-eyeing his boyfriend, N’Jadaka looked anxious for something only he knew. He bit his lip and stuffed his hands in the coat pockets as if there was more to the winter, all while looking around; everywhere but T’Challa.

Nonetheless, the king decides to let it go and continue walking. They were in some kind of park, empty in close sight, but a few individuals roamed around here and there. A cream-colored brick road leads their way. On each side, smooth, trimmed grass occupies the space. The far edge is orientated with Evergreen trees, the kind that doesn’t lose their leaves during said season.

It wasn’t exactly snowing anyway, just enough of a comfortable chill.

N’Jadaka huffs out an exhale, and the accompanying gust of frosty air escaping his mouth made T’Challa all the more realize the complexity of this behavior. He has always known the other man to act the _complete opposite_.

"Am I supposed to be worried too, N’Jadaka?" He asks with humor.

N’Jadaka turns instantly. "Huh? Oh no—"

T’Challa laughs in that irresistible way of his; where his nose slightly scrunches, exposing full front-teeth. It damn near melts Erik.

 _"I’m just playin’ with ya."_ The king replies with a mockery of Erik’s accent. He tries not to melt at that too. _This was torture_ , Erik thought.

"So you think you’re funny?" He teases instead.

"I’m not accepting challenges right now." Came the reply, half-laughing.

T’Challa tangles his arms with N’Jadaka, leaning his head over the other’s shoulder. _God_ T’Challa was such a sap. But Erik avoided jostling him though.

They walked for a while before deciding to settle down on some wooden bench. Fairy lights decorated the pillars beside them. In front, an ethereal gazebo sits on the right, and fluffs of snow— just a tad—sit atop the road-rims. People pass by occasionally.

It was something straight out of a corny ass, hallmark movie. This was Erik’s _nightmare_.

Though, T’Challa looked absolutely enthralled. He gazes around wonderingly, brown eyes shimmering with amazement. The streetlights reflect onto his eyes, glassy as if tearing-up. He’d never seen anything like this in person.

Erik interrupts. "So uhm, T." He coughs. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Hmm? Oh sorry." T’Challa rests his back against the chair, stares at N’Jadaka with a smile.

"Uhh. Shit." Erik scratches his nape.

"For someone who brought me here to 'decompress', I am a little worried, N’Jadaka."

"No, no baby. It’s just— I _wanted_ you to take a break. It ain’t easy, I know that."

It sure wasn’t, not at all. T’Challa wouldn’t even want to wish it upon his greatest enemy. The mere thought of the situation felt succumbing, constricting, _suffocating_. He could not go back to whichever point of that venture. Not even at the end when all that’s left were remnants of the battle— all of which he so hardly tried to ignore.

Regardless, T’Challa put on the best face. Kings in training had to go through this step persistently, and right now, it was more of a reflex on his part. "You do know. You were there with me right? Every night?" T’Challa winks.

Erik stares some more, does not copy T’Challa’s attempt at light air. "You don’t have to do that around me, baby. I know you’re still hurting, and I want you to let go."

T’Challa visibly slumps. He had not done this before since their last argument on technological and resource allocation.

The atmosphere dimmed for a short while.

"I still think about it, N’Jadaka. Every night. I get reminded— _every time_. When getting dressed, or eating dinner. Even entering the restroom— especially that." He pauses, laughs throatily. "I want to forget, Erik…I really do. Because it serves nothing, I know. "

The wind fills the silence then. "But I don’t want to forget _her_."

Erik’s walls shut-down; immediately like it was only waiting for the snap. He tries to tone it, be the strength for them both. He had seen T’Challa go through it enough so devastatingly, after all.

T’Challa turns to him, and the glassy eyes become true once again. Tears flow out of his orbs like the shards of broken mirrors. They slide down delicate cheeks, each fair touch a prickling slice to the pained man. It’s an isolated case because only T’Challa would ever know how it felt.

Erik instantly wraps honed arms around T’Challa’s shoulders, palming his head lightly, tucking it under his chin. He soothes his sides with a gentle, caressing thumb and closes his own eyes. "Shh, baby. I’m here, I’m here." He repeats the words like a reverent mantra.

He breathes steadily, knows his support is needed more than ever. They both work like that, making sure one fulfills what the other lacks at the moment.

Erik opens his eyes again, and even when the sole focus of his mind centers on comforting T’Challa, he still takes note of a small family in the distance; laughing amongst themselves, having a small picnic.

It was then when Erik tried not to cry himself. "…I don’t want to forget her too, baby."

T’Challa shakes his head in retort, still engulfed beneath N’Jadaka. This was the moment the world chose to stop. Even if it was only for them both.

Finally, Erik breathes, like drawing in lungfuls of hope. "But you know what, T? I believe in us, I believe in you."

T’Challa raises slowly, stares at him so intensely it almost made Erik nervous for the next few words. The endless ocean of his boyfriend’s eyes broke him inside but still, he tread on.

"I believe in _you_ , aight? As much as you don’t believe in yourself right now that— that you could do this all over again or even just _face it_ for all it’s worth, I believe in you, baby. I’m here to tell you that."

T’Challa shuffles closer, breathes heavily from the sobbing. Meanwhile, Erik does not stop. He treads on.

"Remember when— remember when you brought me back here? In this world even when I said all that shit." His voice cracks. "And I thought I’d just be enraged you know, after wakin’ up to those hospital lights that I thought was goddamn heaven or something."

T’Challa responds with a sad smile, not knowing what to say.

"But I didn’t. I wasn’t angry, right? I understood why you came out there savin’ my ass." Erik was full-on tearing up now, lip trembling. Just like that first time in the mines, only this time he was holding T’Challa.

"You gave me a chance, baby. Stayed with me all night in that laboratory room till I could stand up." He pauses, wraps T’Challa’s hand tightly and holds it between them like a barrier that does anything but divide.

"This what I’m doin’ now, T’Challa. I believe you deserve another shot at this too, when you’re ready."

"I’m not. No—"

"I know, baby. I know you’re scared. But we’re going to take our time, right? That whole—thing, that was never your fault. And I know we tryna look for some answers right now, wonderin’ why or— where _she_ is. But your body has gone through so much…"

T’Challa gulps, still with furrowed brows and mourning eyes. "Yes, Okay—" He inhales deeply. "Thank you, N’Jadaka. I— I’m sorry, I—"

"Shh, nope." Erik continues for them both. "It’s on me, no need all that, baby. Just come to me anytime you need. I’m here for you."

And so T’Challa settles back into the warmth. They don’t talk about N’Jadaka’s sudden vulnerability, nor the gravity of their conversation. It was not needed in the moment.

After some recollecting, N’Jadaka starts again. "Think about it, baby. I grew up completely far away from you, yet we’re here."

"What do you mean?"

"I know that I’ll be with you through your healing. Whatever it may take, aight?"

The king nods.

"But I also know that just like me, she’ll find her way back to you too. To us."


End file.
